Well, tonight kinda proved that I am either highly unattractive or I have so e kind of odour or skin disease that I am not aware of. I was out on my own for a period tonight waiting for a friend. I was watching the dancers in a bar called Mickeys, you remember, the one I was at for Cocktails with the Stars. Anyway, the dancers were all buff an hot an very good looking, which kinda made me realise why no one liked me dancing when I was I'm the UK...cause I'm skinny, pale and thin...yes I can actually dance and pack out a pair of u derwear, but that evidently isn't enough.
I eventually met my friend and went to the Abbey, fed up of being on my own and very horny from a sexual experience that was probably one of the worst I've ever had. It was a threesome with a fellow porn star and a random guy. The porn star guy is another rant in a min. Anyway, I hated the Abbey so I left and ended up back in Mickeys for a small time, cause I was wide awake and horny.
I saw the porn star guy there, and he kinda seemed off with me and blanked me a few times, kinda made me feel used as he said he had a flight at 9 that night and was still in LA out in a club and said his flight had been changed again.
But yeh, I was stood on my own all night, and it was funny cause at times there was no one stood even near me. It seems the only time people show interest in me is if im in an enviroment where sex is implied, I.e. A sauna or sex party. And even then most of the time they assume I'm a bottom and willing to take anything. It kinda annoys me that when I'm clothed and in a normal environment I don't get nothing...and when I am looking for more than just a fuck (which I rarely get off camera by the way, and that does make a huge difference) it really depresses me.
So what am I doing wrong? Yeah I'm shy, and I can't approach people to talk to them cause if past bad experiences and I am far to shy. But I am a very sexual person...I do wash so hopefully I don't smell, I try to look decent without going too overboard. But yet still no one who is my type, which is a wide range by the way, shows interest.
I know I'm probably asking for a lot for people to come to me, but I truly am SO shy, it's cringeworthy.
Can I get answers on a postcard please, cause I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing wrong here.
We seem to have so much in common which is why I liked you from the moment I saw you on Twitter. We seem to have the same body issues, with one exception. You seem to imply that yours is a problem for you. Meanwhile, I on the other hand feel my slim fit physique is fine - it is the other guys be they producers, bar/club owners, etc. who are the dumb asses who don't know a good thing when it is standing right in front of them in the form of ME.
ReplyDeleteI'm also shy, which explains why alot of my sex is at sex parties and one-night stands. I'm open to dating, but the trysts I tell of in my blog is what I'll do to get off while I'm open to Mr. Right to show himself.
In short, the problem might not be you at all. It may be that you're surrounding yourself with people who are too much about body image, and not enough about the inner-light that is probably shining through in you. So much so that people distance themselves out of envy. Because you're obviously a very deep person. I strongly advise you to stay that way, and don't let anyone take it away from you.
Peace, Love, and Faith,
LeNair
This is Ethan. I just wanted to tell you that I know how you feel. I can't say "Don't feel that way." because I think we all do. But with that being said, I think you are beautiful. You are an incredible person and have a big heart. You are sexy and lovable and deserve so much more than "willing to take anything." You have a friend in me here. Hugs.
ReplyDelete