I'm getting somewhat fed up recently, of a few different things really. But the main one is, being ignored.
I have been in porn now for over 5 years, in that time I have had some mediocre shoots, a couple of good ones and the rest are forgettable, or this is how it seems from the reaction I get from other gay porn stars and companies. I have seen people rise and quickly fall due to their self inflated egos getting in the way. I have also seen unlikely stars rise from insecurity and self doubt, and they have gone on to big things. Me, I've sort of stayed floating around in the middle, not really fitting into any category and neither gaining popularity or losing it.
Regarding being ignored, over the past 3 to 4 years of me doing porn, more and more porn studios have shunned me or completely ignored me, for what reason I don't know. I will not name names...yet, but it's getting to a point where even I don't realise what I've done wrong, if anything.
A prime example is this; I apply to a website, a website which I look at and think realistically, yes I am probably fitted to this website. I mean look at me, yes I am skinny and I don't have much muscle, but there are guys on this website who are similar build to me...great I stand a chance. Only either to be told, "sorry you're not right for the website" or simply ignored. This is rude, and at east have the balls to tell me the REAL reason why you don't want to use me.
For example, a certain new UK porn website who's main focus is "muscle jocks" (big clue there) told me, "I wasn't right for the site, as they wanted muscle jocks and guys like that", fine not a problem, but then why are you using a model who is skinnier than me who has a trouble getting hard on camera? In all fairness though that website is a bit of an ego trip for it's owner(s) so I'll let them have their fun.
One of the worst is a London based company that likes it's lads "hard" (another clue), told me the first time I applied (bear in mind I had worked for the guy who runs this company when he was a cameraman for another) that I didn't have the right body type, as I was to hairy and toned to be a twink, but beefy and muscled enough to be a stud/man/whatever you want to call it. I accepted this and started going to the gym, now for me it takes a lot to put weight on and even more so to build muscle. Anyway after a while of going to the gym, I had put on a surprising amount of muscle and toned up considerably. I applied again. To be told that he wasn't hiring anyone from Manchester as he couldn't afford the travel expense. In the meantime I had seen numerous models appear on his website of slim build, but not twinky...so in the same category that the put me. I was annoyed. Anyway he told me it was a distance thing now, I accepted this. Then I saw a model, from Manchester, who was the same build as me AND a notoriously bad model. This was the icing on the cake for me. How dare he lie to me
Another example, a lot of times companies and websites just simply ignore me, and value the newer faces or the old reliables...again this is where I don't fit into anything.
I want to know before I go any further, what is wrong with me? Why do so many studios and companies ignore me or are so quick to push me aside?
I am a good model, I am versatile both in the sexual context and in the context that I can do most things or will give it a good try. I mean hell, twinks are really NOT my thing, and I have never been dominant before, but I did it, and I did around 13 shoots for BoyNapped. Was really not my thing, but I still did it, and it must have been good cause they used me and used me consistently.
Something has to give...I just need someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong, what's wrong with me