It went something like this...

I was working last night in Company Bar in Manchester where I do my day to day work. I didn’t finish there till gone 3:30am, feeling rather horny and with nowhere else to go, I decided to visit the Basement sauna. Now before any of you turn your noses up, I happen to enjoy going to saunas and the alike, being an exhibitionist and all that it feels comfortable and natural to me. So before people tarnish me with the “sauna is sleazy” brush, please remember that everyone has their likes and dislikes and I personally wouldn’t slate someone for their likes.

Anyway, I arrived at the sauna and had to pay a rather extortionate amount to get in as my membership was apparently due. Got in, no one in the changing room. Great…an empty bloody sauna. As I walked around I found that people were there…hiding in dark rooms, committing all sorts of heinous acts to their fellow man…and I loved it. After walking round checking out what this Thursday night had to offer. I went to use the steam room, after no one really catching my eye.

I sat down, towel off, relaxing in the steam. Once my eyes had become accustomed to the haze, I made out a groups of at least 4 guys in the corner going at it like rabbits. I couldn’t see who they were, what they looked like, nothing. Curiosity got the better of me, plus the horny factor of the anonymity of it, so I went over and put my cock in the hand of the nearest guy…who’s reaction went something like this “Holy fuck! What the fuck is that?” Now I believe if you ask a stupid question you get a stupid answer…however I simply replied “my cock, what do you think it is” to which he said “thats massive, I can’t take that!” (in all honesty I wasn’t asking him to anyway…just a quick fumble).

I left quickly and went to shower. Unbeknownst to me, I was being watched.

I continued to wash my self down, and spied another guy start to use the shower next to me. This guys was a god! Muscles upon muscles, hairy chest, about 30-32 and a gorgeous tan. I didn’t think guys like this existed in Manchester, what a surprise it was to find him. Now he had seen me soft, which is already a sight to behold if you go off what other people say. So he instantly suggested going to a room together. Off we trot to a cubicle. Give it about 5 minutes and he comes reeling out the room with a face of pure horror, makes his excuses and quickly walks off. It seems his eyes were a lot bigger then his arse, once I got hard he recoiled in fear and said that my cock was “scary looking” and “too big”, he couldn’t even suck it.

Now I’m not girthy by no means, I just have a lot of length. It is an average thickness, but just long. I never thought a cock could create so much fuss and horror…its not even an ugly cock.

So this makes me ask this question, what do you consider to be the perfect cock? As I’ve had mine been described as the perfect cock for fucking due to the curve, it’s also been described as small, huge, scary, bent…you name it, my cock has been called it, haha

Getting fed up, yes it's a rant post but an important one, read if you're a performer or a producer of porn

I'm getting somewhat fed up recently, of a few different things really. But the main one is, being ignored.

I have been in porn now for over 5 years, in that time I have had some mediocre shoots, a couple of good ones and the rest are forgettable, or this is how it seems from the reaction I get from other gay porn stars and companies. I have seen people rise and quickly fall due to their self inflated egos getting in the way. I have also seen unlikely stars rise from insecurity and self doubt, and they have gone on to big things. Me, I've sort of stayed floating around in the middle, not really fitting into any category and neither gaining popularity or losing it.

Regarding being ignored, over the past 3 to 4 years of me doing porn, more and more porn studios have shunned me or completely ignored me, for what reason I don't know. I will not name names...yet, but it's getting to a point where even I don't realise what I've done wrong, if anything.

A prime example is this; I apply to a website, a website which I look at and think realistically, yes I am probably fitted to this website. I mean look at me, yes I am skinny and I don't have much muscle, but there are guys on this website who are similar build to me...great I stand a chance. Only either to be told, "sorry you're not right for the website" or simply ignored. This is rude, and at east have the balls to tell me the REAL reason why you don't want to use me.

For example, a certain new UK porn website who's main focus is "muscle jocks" (big clue there) told me, "I wasn't right for the site, as they wanted muscle jocks and guys like that", fine not a problem, but then why are you using a model who is skinnier than me who has a trouble getting hard on camera? In all fairness though that website is a bit of an ego trip for it's owner(s) so I'll let them have their fun.

One of the worst is a London based company that likes it's lads "hard" (another clue), told me the first time I applied (bear in mind I had worked for the guy who runs this company when he was a cameraman for another) that I didn't have the right body type, as I was to hairy and toned to be a twink, but beefy and muscled enough to be a stud/man/whatever you want to call it. I accepted this and started going to the gym, now for me it takes a lot to put weight on and even more so to build muscle. Anyway after a while of going to the gym, I had put on a surprising amount of muscle and toned up considerably. I applied again. To be told that he wasn't hiring anyone from Manchester as he couldn't afford the travel expense. In the meantime I had seen numerous models appear on his website of slim build, but not twinky...so in the same category that the put me. I was annoyed. Anyway he told me it was a distance thing now, I accepted this. Then I saw a model, from Manchester, who was the same build as me AND a notoriously bad model. This was the icing on the cake for me. How dare he lie to me

Another example, a lot of times companies and websites just simply ignore me, and value the newer faces or the old reliables...again this is where I don't fit into anything.

I want to know before I go any further, what is wrong with me? Why do so many studios and companies ignore me or are so quick to push me aside?

I am a good model, I am versatile both in the sexual context and in the context that I can do most things or will give it a good try. I mean hell, twinks are really NOT my thing, and I have never been dominant before, but I did it, and I did around 13 shoots for BoyNapped. Was really not my thing, but I still did it, and it must have been good cause they used me and used me consistently.

Something has to give...I just need someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong, what's wrong with me